Off Your Tits On Screwed

I rarely buy wine from supermarkets. Miranda, my wife, would probably add that I rarely buy anything from supermarkets; she does it all. Even so I was the one pushing the shopping cart around Henry’s last weekend as she made her selections. Naturally I was drawn to the wine section, just on the off chance that there might be something interesting on the shelves. The first thing I noticed was that there weren’t any shelf-talkers extolling the virtues of some 90 point plus wine. There weren’t even any simple tasting notes or recommendations tacked up that might indicate a worthy choice. There was a magazine rack with Bon Appetite, Wine and Food, and Wine Spectator but no one was sneaking a quick look in hopes of finding a few pointers about what wines might be good value.

As I stood there leaning on the shopping cart it suddenly occurred to me that unless I knew what I was after how was I going to choose, assuming that I was going to buy wine? A lot of the wine labels didn’t even look familiar. OK, don’t panic. Let’s be sensible about this. You have walked into a store looking for a bottle of inexpensive wine. Find a bottle of wine. It can’t be that hard, after all you are supposed to know a little bit about the subject. A sign said Shiraz. I know what that is! Familiarity does breed contempt. They all seemed to be from places other than Australia. None looked familiar. Several were from California, some of which were even called Shiraz but most were labeled Syrah. Well I could be adventurous but I had seen the ubiquitous [yellowtail] Shiraz when we had come into the store so I knew there was Aussie wine here somewhere. Let’s go with what we know best. But where were they? Ahh huh, over there under the sign Australia.

Like most supermarkets Henry’s does not carry a large or expensive selection of wine in any category. Still inexpensive Aussie wine is the flavor of the month and so there were several dozen reds to pick from; I didn’t to an actual count. Keeping to the plan I checked out the Shiraz lineup. The usual suspects were there including [yellowtail], Rosemount and Jacobs Creek. There was also a Deakin Estate and something called Red Knot. Pretty label. Hmm, made by the Davey Family Wines from McLaren Vale. They make Shingleback Shiraz which is pretty good wine. But I’m supposed to be playing the part of an average consumer who knows that Australian Shiraz is good wine, not what Australian Shiraz wines are better than others. OK, what else is there. Alice White Shiraz! Sounds like something made by the girl next door, or maybe the old guy next door acting as though he’s a girl!

What’s this? Screwed Red Wine from McLaren Vale. Another Davey Family Wines product. At $8.99USD a bottle Screwed is a blend of Shiraz, Cabernet Sauvignon and Tempranillo. Screwed is part of Precept Brands; which I’m presuming owns Davey Family Wines. The back label reads “Your alarm doesn’t go off and you wake up an hour late…you try to open a bottle of wine and the cork breaks…get to the airport and you realize that you forgot your passport…you’re totally screwed! Unscrew yourself by unscrewing a bottle of screwed red wine from Australia’s famed Mclaren Vale. This rich and vibrant red wine has blackberry aromas and flavors. With just a touch of vanilla oak for a smooth finish. And no corkscrews involved for the accident prone.”


This could be a bit of fun. The name is topical, fitting in with the new drive to screwcaps as well as the obvious sexual connotation. If it turns out to be swill we can still get a few laughs from the label, and who knows what else a few glasses might lead to?

Tasted along with some salsa and corn chips the wine was quite attractive with aromas of cigar smoke over sweet oak, faint pepper, cola and dark fruits. Certainly confected and fruit forward. The palate was medium weight with bright acidity and soft tannins. The flavors carried well and provided nice length to the finish. However there was little depth or complexity to the wine. It scored a 16.1/20 or 81/100 from me.

How successful was I at selecting a wine? Well given that I went for something that I thought might be more fun than quality it turned out reasonably well. But I don’t envy the novice wine drinker the task of making a serious choice from the Henry’s wine selection. The lack of shelf talkers or even any staff recommendations makes wine selection difficult. The lack of information on their shelves is unfortunate given that their web site does make an attempt to introduce the consumer to wine. Dare I venture into any more supermarket wine aisles?

Oh, would I get off my tits on Screwed? That would depend on what you think getting off my tits means!